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ARE YOU BEING STALKED?
If you think you are being stalked, then you probably are.
Some common methods used by stalkers are:
Continuous phone calls.
Continuous text messages.
Checking your cellphone to see who you've called or texted.
An ex-lover keeps sending cards, flowers and gifts to try to win you back when you have made it clear that the relationship is over.
Damage to your property.
Threats.
Assault and Battery.
Watching your house.
Following you.
Showing up unexpectedly at your job or when you've gone out.
Sending the police or Child Protective Services to your house on a false pretense.
Slowing down your divorce process by not signing papers or by making up excuses to prolong the process.
Unwanted emails.
Changing your profile on a computer chatroom.
Identity theft.
Turning off your utilities.
This list does not even begin to scratch the surface of the different techniques used by stalkers. As creative as the human mind is, there is no end to the mischief that we can cause each other.
If you have to be continuously on guard against these type of incidents coming from someone, and their actions cause you to be in fear, you are most likely being stalked. You may think that your not being stalked, that this is just your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend or exspouse's anger acting out over your splitting up. I agree that it is common for exlovers to act out a little at the end of a relationship, after all, there is a lot of emotional pain involved. But if your ex just wont accept that the relationship is over, then you should realize you may be in serious danger.
Of all the persons that are murdered every year, a large percentage are killed by somebody they had a domestic relationship with. Ask any cop and he will tell you that if you don't do drugs, aren't in a gang, and aren't in a domestic relationship, then the chances of you being murdered are minuscule.
Studies have shown that of all the persons murdered by their ex-spouse or ex-lover, a large percentage were stalked by their killer.
WHO STALKS?
Stalkers usually fall into three categories:
1. Domestic Stalkers. This is the largest category. Your ex-spouse or ex-lover falls into this category, whether they want to win you back or pay you back. Your ex's parents may stalk you if you had a child together and they don't feel they get to see their grandchild enough. Even your current spouse or lover may be stalking you, if they have to know what you are doing every second, and they check your caller ID, text messages, and emails.
2. Vengeful stalkers. This would be someone who thinks you did them wrong and they want to make you pay for it. This could be anyone you have had a disagreement with, or it may be someone you have never talked to who is angry because your dog barks at night, or your child got the lead in the school play instead of their child.
3. Delusional stalkers. These are the stalkers we hear about in the media. These stalkers are fixated on someone and usually believe they are in a relationship with that person. David Letterman, Jerry Lewis and Madonna are just a few of the famous personalities who have had stalkers that made headlines in the news and tabloids. You don't have to be famous to have a stalker from this category. I have investigated cases of people being stalked by coworkers and other parents from their kid's school who fixated on them and came to believe they were in a romantic relationship with them.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
If you believe that you are being stalked, and are in fear for your safety, then you should contact your local police department and make a police report. Even if you don't have evidence and you don't think the police can charge your stalker, you should still file a report.
Firstly, this notifies the police that you feel you are in danger. This website is meant to give general tactics and get you thinking along the lines that will help you end the stalking. Your police department may be able to give you specific precautions depending on the tactics your stalker is using. This also tells the officers in your area who your stalker is so they can be on the lookout for him, or for suspicious activity around your home.
Secondly, the police can tell you exactly what the laws are in your state, and what they are looking for in the way of evidence.
Thirdly, it gives a specific date on which you decided you have had enough. This is important in building a stalking case. People often break-up and get back together several times. During the break-up time, your boyfriend/girlfriend might call you several times, and drop by your house or job to try to talk to you. If you end up getting back together, then you may later tell the story about how they pursued you and wasn't that romantic? If you don't end up getting back together, then those exact same behaviors may be viewed as stalking. It may be hard to convince a judge at what point those behaviors went from romantic to frightening. If you make a police report then it states clearly that from that date at least, you wanted no further contact.
Lastly, your police department can get you in touch with a victim advocate, or tell you what services are available to help you in the community. Victim advocates are wonderful people. The biggest benefit of contacting a victim advocate is that you no longer have to feel alone in your struggle to regain control of your life. Advocates are trained to help you with police reports, protective order applications, and understanding other paperwork that may seem overwhelming. They know what services are available and how to get them started to benefit you. Advocates can accompany you to court so you feel someone is on your side, and their presence may discourage your adverse party from talking to you at the courthouse. Advocates are great listeners too, and they give good advice because they have helped other people in the same situation.
The internet is a wonderful resource and the fact that you are on this website shows that you probably think you have a problem. However, no amount of knowledge gathering is going to help you until you decide to take a few aggressive steps toward turning the table on your stalker. The first step is to contact your police.
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