As you have read the chapters on my site, I'm sure you've realized that I connect with people when their love-lives are in a bad place. Nobody calls me to say, "Hi, I'm dating the most wonderful person in the world. Everything in my life is so beautiful. He's so generous and always puts my comfort above his own." My interviews are more along the line of, "That selfish bastard, all he ever thinks about is himself, we have absolutely nothing in common. How did I ever get mixed up with him!" After hearing this for nine hours a day, you might think that I would be against love, against relationships, against dating, and against romance. Well, I admit that I sometimes become frustrated with individual persons and their relations. However, I am very much in favor of the whole "love and relationships" thing. We all want to be happy, and I find that most people are happiest when they are in a loving relationship. One lady who had two bad relationships in a row summed it up best for me when I asked why she was already out there looking to get into another relationship. She said , "It sucks to be lonely." I totally agree with that statement. It does suck to not have a special person to share your life's experiences with. Shopping is more fun with somebody. Meals taste better with somebody. Chores are easier with somebody. Even sitting silently through a movie is better with somebody. So I say yes, find somebody new to share your life with. Just don't be in such a hurry that you make bad decisions or ignore the warning signs that I talked about in the last chapter, "Don't make the same mistake twice". It used to be that you met people through other people. Somebody you knew introduced you to somebody else they knew. Because of this, you had an immediate character reference based on the person who introduced you. If your friend has high moral values, then you would expect that they were introducing you to somebody with similar values. If the person making the introduction is one of those pot-smokers from the downstairs apartment, then you might expect your date to end on a certain kind of "high." Either way, you had at least some reference going in to it. If you watch TV these days, it seems like all the characters meet the love of their life in a nightclub or at a party, and end up in bed by the end of the episode. Please, pause a moment for a reality check. The odds are really really REALLY against you finding your life partner at a nightclub after a few drinks have lowered your inhibitions. If you're just out looking for a good time for tonight, then call it that, and let those be your expectations. On the other hand, if you are really looking for somebody to share your life with, then look for them in a place where you expect to spend your life. If personal fitness is your thing and that's all you like to do, then meet people at your gym. If you consider religion to be the most important thing in your life, then look for someone within your religion. If you are a person who is driven by business, then look for someone who understands that drive, and will help you achieve your goals. A religious person is not likely to find their soulmate in an adult bookstore, health fanatics shouldn't be seeking understanding at a buffet, and a business driven person shouldn't be trading business cards with potential beaus holding cardboard signs on freeway off-ramps. You may think these scenarios are far-fetched, but they really aren't. I meet so many people who are shocked that they didn't find lifelong love and support from people met in a bar, nightclub, singles cruise, foreign travel, or an AA meeting. I know, I know... Your cousin's friend met somebody at a nightclub and they've been happy together for fifteen years and counting. Those places are full of nice people and you could find love there, yes, you really could. But since you are on this website, you probably didn't. I don't mean to sound so negative on nightclubs, I just want you to make the very important life decisions when your head is clear, not fuzzy. Opposites attract. That's partly true. We benefit from a lover's differences, and those differences keep a relationship interesting. However, I feel that you should decide what are the absolute most important things in your life, and search for somebody who has the same priorities. All the minor differences will work themselves out if you are at least heading in the same direction. The whole point that I'm trying to make is that you should think about what kind of person you're looking for, figure out where that kind of person would likely be, then go look for them in a target rich environment. It seems that most singles I talk to these days have joined a few "singles websites". I used to be negative about the whole "we met online" thing. But as time goes by and I overcome my wariness of new ideas, I see the benefits. The biggest benefit I see is that you can begin a conversation with someone and get a feel for them before you ever meet them, and you can do it sober and in the safety of your own home. You can also read their profile and see if they have similar goals and priorities. You don't have to yell to be heard, and it's not the least bit embarrassing to walk away when you realize you're not into that person. I would like to remind you of a few precautions. They may be things you already know, but I want you to save this page in your favorites and check your profile against this checklist whenever you join a new website that you build a profile for, including your myspace and facebook.     Never show pictures of your children.     Examine the pictures on your profile to make sure the background doesn't include:         your car's license plate         your house with the numbers on it         your place of employment         recognizable landmarks such as your school, church, or apartment complex        are you wearing a work uniform or a name tag?     Don't include your phone number, address, or personal email address.         correspond through the sites chat room     Expect that people are not fully honest online.        if you get a bad feeling, trust it, stop corresponding.     Go back and read my chapter on INTERNET SAFETY This is important: When you get to the point in your chatting that you exchange names or phone numbers, get theirs first and be ruthlessly cold. Check them out before you go any further. Do a CRIMINAL RECORDS CHECK with their name and age. Do a reverse phone check on the phone number they give you or the one they call from, make sure it belongs to the name they gave you. If it comes back to a different name, check records on that name. If they have drugs or violence on their record, drop them. If they give you a story about why the phone doesn't come back to the name they gave you, don't get caught up in the nonsense. Drop them and meet someone who plays it straight. You may have fallen for a slick talker in the past, but not again! You may be thinking right now that I am a coldhearted non-trusting S.O.B., well, I'm hoping some of it rubs off on my readers. You don't live in Disneyland, be tough. I'm sorry that I can't point you to a place to do these checks for free, I don't know of any. However, I think that if you had spent a few dollars to check up on your previous stalker before getting involved with him, you would now consider that to have been money well spent. Spend the money, do the checks, "future you" will thank you. I found a singles website called "BOOTY CALL" and another called "INMATES NEED LOVE". I hope you don't think you will find your true love somewhere like that. Consider my advice to decide what's important in your life, and go to a singles website that would likely have people with the same goals. I will list some potential sites just to get you thinking in the right direction, but if you don't see one you like then keep looking and you will probably find one that is geared toward your interests. Most of these sites allow you to create a profile for free, so check a couple until you find one that fits your goals.     CHRISTIAN CAFE  SINGLE PARENTS MINGLE FRIEND FINDER JEWISH FRIEND FINDER OVER 40 FRIEND FINDER ASIAN FRIEND FINDER LATINO FRIEND FINDER GAY FRIEND FINDER CANADIAN DATE Save this page in your favorites or bookmarks so that when you meet someone you can CHECK THEIR PHONE NUMBER AND CHECK THEIR CRIMINAL RECORD